Random Ramblings

The last few weeks have been really busy for the Hudson-Smith crew, lots of developments and changes. We have secured a townhouse to rent in the New City, and have visited Simon's new school and the New Church, where David will begin attending a 3-hour per day "summer camp" as soon as well arrive. We feel much better about the move now that those major issues have been resolved, and it's a great little house and it's exciting to think about everything that's coming up in the next couple of months.

We'll be living in a little town home community off one of the major streets in the New City; I am nearly dizzy with anticipation of all the retail (that will be open on Sundays; yes our current NC mountain town is so small, the blue laws or whatever prevent anything but gas/groceries/restaurants from being open. Or are blue laws just about alcohol? We didn't have that either, Sunday or no, until last summer). There is a park right next door - there are a couple of short paths through a little patch of woods, so we can walk over with the boys any old time. 


Simon's school is sort of around the corner, but it's too far to walk so we'll probably drive him initially and maybe consider a school bus later, but … I don't know about anyone else's school bus riding experiences, but … I guess elementary school was fine, middle school less so, and then by the time I got to high school, the school bus was some DMZ/no-man's land of lawlessness, anything went. Once we get to know the school and some of the other families, and see that other little ones are riding with no problems, we'll consider it. 

I began typing this entry in the waiting room at a car dealership in Asheville. I was finally able to trade in my ancient-ish (1999) Honda CRV for a really nice, slightly-less-ancient Ford Explorer. I have tried not to complain too much about the Honda, but I'm glad to be done with it. I try not to complain, I try to be thankful, because it has generally started up and gotten me where I need to go, and I know in that respect I'm way ahead of the game of a lot of folks. I'm pretty psyched about the new car, and Simon is as amazed as if it were brand-new, so there you go. I'm slowly coming to truly internalize the differences in gas mileage with the old CRV and especially with our other car, Matt's Prius. We are going to have to be more deliberate with thinking ahead for each day, switching out the cars as needed based on which of us is doing what kind of driving. 

It was a really emotional day for me - my initial thought after pulling out of our driveway that morning in the Honda, was all the trips back and forth to Asheville that car made, while David was in the NICU. I wrote an entry awhile back about Asheville being "dead to me," i.e., that the stress and strain of going back and forth for those long months was such that it has outweighed all the positive qualities of this fine little city, of which there are many. This feeling was affirmed as I turned off I-240 onto Charlotte street, which leads to my first apartment, and then heading down Tunnel Rd. There's the Longhorn Steakhouse where we had a gift card and we finally talked to Layla's (another tiny NICU baby) parents and found them to be delightful. There's the Buffalo Wild Wings where we had a gift card, and the Olive Garden where we had a gift card and we happened to go on Prom NIght and saw all the kids dressed up and Jesus Christ how long was this baby in the hospital? There is of course relief associated with how much better David's doing now, but it does not yet tip the scales in the other direction. Sorry, Asheville. It's not you, it's me. 

(All those gift cards really helped; Matt and I developed a routine (13 weeks, you can develop a lot of routines) of taking Simon to his grandparents' every Friday night and using those to have a Date Night, an escape from the hospital and time just for us. It was nice. Also nice was the $1,000 -cash- someone sent us anonymously in the mail; they said we didn't know them but they knew about our situation and wanted to help. Also nice was the, ah, very generous gift someone gave to the Good Samaritan fund at our church, earmarked for us to help with medical bills. Lots of folks helped out, in big ways and small, and it is all still greatly appreciated and it helped knowing so many folks were pulling for us).

Having the house secured (and now, the U-Haul truck reserved) has moved me along quite a bit in terms of, this is real, this is going to happen, now in a bit less than one month. I have been packing a lot this past week, especially going through old boy-stuff and organizing and packing it for a fundraising yard sale for David's preschool. This is great timing - getting rid of stuff, helping the preschool raise funds (it's an annual event, usually quite successful), and … we won't be here when it actually happens, so we don't even have to help with price tags or anything. I am being a little Type-A about all the stuff but I'm convinced it's in a beneficial way - printing out instructions for the Ocean Wonders Aquarium from the Internet, putting new button batteries in the Fisher-Price sounds n'lights book, putting all components into giant Ziploc bags and noting when puzzles have all their pieces, etc. I have wondered several times if this is too much, but when I shared a bit of it with the preschool director (who will be sorting and price-tagging everything), she gave me what seemed to be a heartfelt, "Oh, thank goodness. No one else has done that." … and thus another life title, Yard Sale Dork/Brown-noser, is added.

I do have some mixed feelings about the whole thing; I am giving away a lot more than I would've expected. This is fine, because the boys still have plenty, of everything. But I think this is my official, we-are-not-having-another-baby declaration. We are keeping some of our favorites - special gifts, those we simply like the best, but we are getting rid of most of it. And a couple of days ago we were alerted that a family we know, whose daughter has just moved in with them with her baby, and she doesn't have much (specifically a stroller and an Exersaucer, which I am actually thrilled to give her) and some clothes, maybe some more stuff can go directly to her. I'd like our bouncer seat to go to her too, if she doesn't have that - that joker was SUCH a lifesaver, I'd love for it to go directly to someone. 

In searching for some additional pieces of one item, I came across my maternity coat, and that was a moment of both sadness and resolve, to go ahead and give away all my maternity clothes. It was sad, but with all the giveaways there is also a practical consideration - I think we are still likely to do foster care, but not anytime in the next couple of years (we'll have enough changes of our own to deal with), and by then we'd need to get all-new stuff safety-wise, I'm sure. … with giving away the maternity stuff I suppose I am conceding to my age, but even if I were to get pregnant tomorrow, my stuff from Simon is now about 6 years old and about half of it I'd still want, but there's some (especially the pants) I'd want to get new stuff anyway. 

On the maternity coat front, I LOVE THAT COAT. It's from Old Navy, a dark brown nylon/other synthetic with two sets of snaps up the front to accommodate a growing belly. It's so warm and comfy - I loved it so much with Simon, that Matt accused me of becoming pregnant with David during the same time frame so I could wear it again. 

On the stroller note, I hate that damned thing. When I was pregnant with Simon we got the only stroller I had (up to that point) seen - a Graco "travel system" with a carseat and stroller that it locks into, which is what most folks get, but this was a terrible decision for navigating the subway in DC - the stroller is HUGE and unwieldy; I hated using it. I had "stroller envy" as I never would've thought possible, for/against women who had the Chiccos, the Peg Peregos, etc - chic, streamlined, lovely. This is a great example of, hey 3 or 4 or even a year prior, this is something that never would've occurred to me as something that happened in life, but I was jealous. And why didn't I just go get a nicer one? Got me, this was when I had a great-paying job, but I never did. So, if we do foster care, and if we do babies, I would get a new stroller for sure.

I'd really rather foster teenagers, because I know the need, but (again, practical considerations) I'd want to wait until Simon and David are A LOT older and can communicate better about questions and concerns. There's a couple at our current church who are retired, and take only babies. As a social worker I know not only the needs of DSS in terms of "numbers of available beds", but I also know there are needs for all kinds of foster parent flexibilities and gifts. A family that can hang with teenagers, meet them where they are and go with who they are, are awesome. But so are folks who can take a newborn baby with little to no notice, who can stay home with the baby (so the social worker doesn't have to spend the entire following day setting up daycare) and take it to all its appointments and just love on it, who has medical experience with other drug-positive preemies from the NICU - that is also a huge gift. And someone who can keep siblings together. And a home with a strong male presence, which some kids may not have had before. And everything in between. 

So when we're ready, I think we'll do well as foster parents, but it won't be super-soon.