TUESDAY, AUGUST 10, 2010 1:24 PM, EDT
Those of you who know me well, know I don’t talk a lot about religion outside of church, but here we go; this is some stuff I have been thinking about, in advance of our trip for David’s surgery:
From Exodus chapter 1, verses 15 – 20: The king of Egypt said to the Hebrew midwives, one of whom was named Shiphrah, and the other Puah, “When you act as midwives to the Hebrew women, and see them on the birthstool, if it is a boy, kill him, but if it is a girl, she shall live.” But the midwives feared God; they did not do as the king of Egypt commanded them, but they let the boys live. So the king of Egypt summoned the midwives and said to them, “Why have you done this, and allowed the boys to live? The midwives said to Pharaoh, “Because the Hebrew women are not like the Egyptian women; for they are vigorous and give birth before the midwife comes to them.” So God dealt well with the midwives, and the people multiplied and became strong.
A few days after David was born, Matt shared with our OB that this is how he had come to think of her and of our pediatric cardiologist, as Shiphrah and Puah. And now of course we have had an entire team in Asheville and our upcoming team in Atlanta -- the guardians of the baby boys who were not supposed to live.
This passage is followed by chapter 2 of Exodus, telling the story of Moses’ birth. Verse 10 says: She named him Moses, “because, she said, I drew him out of the water (mashah).” In the couple of hours before David Moses was born, this verse ran through my head over and over. Although baby Moses was never really in danger because his older sister watched him until Pharaoh’s daughter got him, I kept thinking that the verse should read, “I drew him out of the water and he was safe.” We had already settled on Moses as the middle name, but this sort of cemented it.
In the past several weeks and months, I’ve realized that I have never in my life been really afraid of anything. I have been anxious, worried, nervous, etc., but I have never been truly afraid before now. On several occasions, we have believed that David was not going to live. My initial fear is that he would die in the NICU, and that his whole life would’ve been in that stupid hospital, with no sunshine or big brother or Chicken the cat or our backyard or anything else about our family life that’s so great. Now my fear is that something could go wrong during the operation. Supposedly, it’s not a matter of him surviving the operation – Egleston has a 99 – 100 % survival rate, depending on the procedure. But 99 – 100 % is not 100 – 100%, and it’s not 110 – 120%, which is what I would feel okay about. And during these four or five long hours, I’m guessing it’s going to feel like a matter of survival.
Those of you who have read our Caring Bridge page, or any parent who has had a kid undergo general anesthesia, is familiar with the red line. At the hospital, we can be with David while he gets his initial dose of “sleepy medicine” and falls asleep. We can then carry him to a certain point right outside the operating room, where there is a red line painted on the floor. There we have to stop, give him a last hug and kiss, and hand him over. I would love to think that that moment is going to be filled with peace and acceptance of God’s will and all the possibilities. But I think it is mostly going to just be the scariest, most difficult thing I have ever had to do, in my life.
As we travel to Atlanta (and toward the red line) we carry with us your thoughts and prayers; your expressions of love and support have helped tremendously over the last few months. If you would keep us in your thoughts and prayers on Thursday (the day of the surgery, we don’t know the time yet), we would appreciate it. This is a simple prayer I have written for our families:
Dear God – please be with and watch over our beautiful baby, David Moses – draw him out of the water and keep him safe. We love him so much, and every day of his life has been a gift. Let him know our love and Your grace. Amen.
