Driven to - Wait, What Was I Talking About?

I really do not know how I completed college (much less graduated summa cum laude) without a psycho-stimulant to help me pay attention. As articulated (!) here, the neuro-psychologist who diagnosed me with ADHD (2 years ago?) said, I likely simply had to work a LOT harder than I would have to have worked otherwise, if I hadn't had this TBI in high school. This is what happened yesterday:

I will begin with the acknowledgement that a different conversation in similar circumstances, a conversation with a friend or meeting someone for the first time, would likely have been quite different and I would've focused better. But really, this was impossible; I was self-monitoring because it was a somewhat important scenario (me meeting the senior pastor from The New Church and his Wife; Matt meeting one of his other Co-workers for the first time), and even when I realized I needed to man up and refocus, my attention would wander again immediately. I did manage to keep my verbal observations to a minimum.


We've had a successful dinner with pastor and wife, and have gone with them to meet the other co-worker at a lovely bakery/dessert place; one with a number of different seating areas with varying levels of intimacy. The place is decorated nicely, almost verging on too random/cool but not going over the line.

Me: Oh, look at these chandeliers. They're beautiful!
Others: (acknowledgement)
Others: (engage in work- and church-related matters conversation)
Me: (thinking): oh, that diamond ring the co-worker is wearing is beautiful. REFOCUS, Joanna. Look how it catches the light from the little tea light candles - that's so pretty. I wonder if it's her engagement ring. Joanna, you need to pay attention to what they are talking about. This is important. I wonder what you call that piece of furniture over there. Is it a sideboard? It has a mirror over it but I wouldn't think you'd put clothes in it; maybe more like a console table? Where could we put something like that?
Others: continue conversation, Joanna waits for the tiniest lull.
Me: "Sorry, but this is an example of how I think. Co-worker, that ring is beautiful and it's catching the light in a really sparkly, pretty way."
Co-worker: (thanks me, acknowledges the intense sparkle, says it was a 20 (25?) year anniversary present from husband and she will pass along the compliment).
Others: (resume conversation; Matt making several strong theological points and they are paying close attention to him. I'm trying, for Pete's sake, I'm trying).
Me: (thinking: Those glass-front cabinets are nice too. I wonder if we could do something like that?)
Me: (thinking: This little panel under the table top looks as if it might slide out. FOCUS Joanna and don't you dare try to pull it out. Don't you dare. Pay attention. It really does look as if you could pull it out. Does it move? Don't do it, Joanna, don't try it. But I'm pretty sure it would. Pretty sure)

And so on, and so on. Mitigating factors for Joanna: A new environment, balancing eating and socializing, a stimulating environment with all the lovely decorations, new important people, not really being a part of the conversation, etc. But as demonstrated above, I was really unable to bring it back around, and my two main out-loud comments were about a diamond ring and a chandelier. I did make a few other comments about other various things, and this wasn't my meeting so I wasn't really required to say much, but it was also a continued meet-and-greet, and it's a little odd to feel completely unprepared to comment intelligently on anything - he's not a neurosurgeon; we were talking about church and Sunday School and outreach and mission, topics on which I think I should be ready to at least make a few neutral comments about ...

Yes, that was a completely extraneous mention of the summa cum laude thing, 

but dammit, I did have to work hard to get it. 

But anyway, we are here in the New City, and I've met folks and toured the New Church. We looked at a bunch of houses for rent, and are hoping for this one in particular - we might even get to sign a lease and put down a deposit today. It would be great to have this uncertainty behind us. I am slightly overwhelmed by this upcoming return to civilization - schools, streets, racial/ethnic/socioeconomic diversity, retail, some sidewalks, colleges, retail, people, retail.

I need to remember our last two big moves: to DC and from DC, and keep in mind that in both instances I have been so excited about the new place and the move itself, and so busy with arrangements, that I forget that there is also a loss involved and I will get totally overwhelmed after a honeymoon period. This time'll be a little different because there are 2 little ones who will need a lot, but I need to remember to set up some quiet-Joanna-time.

And this is the chandelier - isn't it beautiful? 

See, each individual little globe reflects everything.