The kids are divided up by age, and David's in the preschool class. I'd agreed to come with him and basically be his one-on-one for at least the first few weeks, to see how he does. On this particular week, the teacher chose to break them up into two smaller groups, according to sex because the numbers were about even. So I went with David and the boys to have snack, and ... we will not be doing that again. There is one other pretty small/young boy in there, a couple of other kids I don't know, and then about 4 or 5 really big kids, some of whom are already 5 but won't start Kindergarten until this Fall. They were ... challenging. talkative. loud ... and required a lot of the teacher's attention. David did well with his snack (bananas and Goldfish, pretty safe with this age I guess), but the situation with the older/bigger boys was deteriorating and I ended up taking David next door to one of the playrooms.
I'd intended to have him in there for only a short time and then we'd go back to the group, but we were having such a good time playing with the Megablox we stayed in there. The group of girls came in later; they'd finished planting their pumpkin and squash seeds and completing the craft for the week, so they got to play the rest of the time. David did much better with the girls; we know a lot of them pretty well, and a couple that we did not know did pretty well playing with him. When we saw them a few days later at an event at Simon's school, they remembered him and came right up to him. So if the teacher divides by sex this week I think we will definitely go with the girls; if there's some other system of division we will go with the (relatively) more low-key folks.
It was an interesting, if somewhat discouraging, experience in inclusion. I didn't feel terrible about how much further behind David is than the other kids in his class, because I know there's so much variability at that particular age, and that particular group of boys are a good 2 years older and a LOT bigger. Matt and I have been exploring housing possibilities for our new church appointment, in the Triad part of North Carolina. There are two public elementary schools in the immediate area of the church, which is where we hope to live.
One of the schools has a lot of information on their webpage about their Exceptional Children program; they have some self-contained classes but it was not immediately clear how many or which ones. Matt and I discussed this last night; I'm a little confused because I thought mainstreaming was not only the norm, but preferable (least restrictive environment and all) (if you don't know, a self-contained classroom would be one that is all kids with disabilities; mainstreaming is usually a mix of a regular classroom with supportive services integrated there, with a minimum of "pulling out" for other services) (you know, when we were kids and classmates would get "pulled out" and you always had a general idea of where they were going - in our case, the "Resource" trailer).
Matt was getting nervous thinking about David being in a "regular" kindergarten class, thinking about Simon's kindergarten class and how David wouldn't be able to function in there. I gently reminded him that's still two years away, but I see where he's going. Our main concern is David's speech, or lack thereof, I guess. He does fine at his current daycare/preschool, but I realized after the WW I don't actually know much specific info about how he does during circle time, etc. I guess I never worried about it because in the toddler classroom there are several kids a good bit younger than him, and some who are actually smaller, I think, so there are always 2 teachers in the room and they are having to chase after everyone, so it's not as obvious that he might need extra assistance.
We were presented with a choice when David turned three - typically kids are immediately moved from the Toddler class to the Preschool class, but they can make exceptions. It was not a controversial decision for Matt and me - he just started at the center in January, and we're leaving in June, and rather than go through an additional transition we thought we'd just keep him where he is. We consulted his team at the IEP meeting last month, and they said it was pretty much up to us, since it's a private placement. This involved a note from our pediatrician for David's file, that it's okay for this older child to continued in a classroom with younger children. This was sort of an odd request to make of the pediatrician, but I know everyone wants to make sure it's clear the daycare is not holding him back in the Toddler room simply because he has Down syndrome.
As I mentioned in a previous post that discussed David going to Wonderful Wednesdays, I suppose this is a balance we will deal with for quite some time, if not ... forever. Trying to balance David's right to be included, having high expectations for him and his peers, with practical considerations of his size, abilities, and our general comfort. Right now he's still such a little guy, and though he communicates fine with us, other folks are not going to attend to each and every nuance of what he's trying to get across. Yes, all parents struggle with setting high expectations tempered by developmental realities, but I feel comfortable saying that for David it'll be some extra, is all.
I know we're also not the only parents to deal with this: when David turns 4 he'll be eligible for pre-K through the school system, and we'd want David and Simon to be at the same school, but what if one school has the better Special Education program and another has the better Gifted & Talented program? And no, they don't attend the same school now, and when Simon moves up to middle and then high school they'll be in different places, but hey, this is us. This is our David and our Simon. I want David to have his big brother around as much as possible.
To close on a positive note, the songs we sung before class included two of the most perfect, appropriate kid/church songs ever, for David's first day. I don't know if the choice was deliberate, because they are songs I've heard Simon sing a million times, but they were great this time.
THE BUTTERFLY SONG
(If I Were a Butterfly)
Words and Music by Brian M. Howard
If I were a butterfly
I'd thank you Lord for giving me wings
If I were a robin in a tree
I'd thank you Lord that I could sing
If I were a fish in the sea
I'd wiggle my tail and I'd giggle with glee
But I just thank you Father for making me, me
CHORUS
For you gave me a heart and you gave me a smile
You gave me Jesus and you made me your child
And I just thank you Father for making me, me
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(2nd & 3rd verses feature an elephant and a wiggly worm)
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