(No, I haven't actually sent this yet. Too scared)

Dear Ms. Coulter,

“Because that would look retarded.”

These are among the first words I overheard after my little family and I arrived at a church-sponsored pizza party last night, for a pre-trick-or-treat supper. There were two teenage girls dressed in matching costumes, and one was ready to start getting candy while the other wanted to stay at the church a while longer. The first protested that she couldn’t go by herself because “that would look retarded,” without both halves of the matching outfits.

This is what I heard when she said it: “I can’t go out as one half of this pair, because that would be as stupid or stupider than something someone with an IQ below 70 would do.” Did I mention this happened as I was walking out of the church ahead of them, with my 2-year-old son David, who has Down syndrome, in my arms?

What I heard in your tweet is that President Obama's policies (and possibly the man himself) are so inane, so insipid, so worthless, that they are as bad or worse than those a mentally retarded person would come up with.

These teenage girls are probably what you were talking about last week in your interview with Piers Morgan last Friday, right? Giving these young ladies the benefit of the doubt, I will assume they were not (nor likely would they ever) purposefully saying something hurtful to a small child with a developmental disability. They were just being … teenage girls? Whose mother never told them when they were much younger, “don’t call someone retarded because it’s mean,” as mine did?

Because it is mean. It is hurtful. And perhaps nearly as importantly, it is something teenagers say. I’m sorry, Ms. Coulter, but you are not the person who gets to decide if the r-word is offensive to me. I, my son, my husband, and other family members of folks with special needs, or the teachers and service providers who work with those kids and adults – we get to decide, not you. When we hear the r-word, either on television or out in public, we wince. We wrap our arms around our son and give him an extra hug, in hopes of giving him a little ounce of extra protection against the Mean People of the world.

I wish you were right, Ms. Coulter, I really do. I really wish “no one” ever used the r-word as a slur against someone who is actually mentally retarded. I wish I didn’t have to worry about my beautiful little boy going out into the world, I wish I were sure no one would ever, ever call him a “retard.” But you’re not right, you’re wrong, and I do have to worry about it. Because it still happens.  It hasn’t happened to us, yet, that I’m aware of. But once he starts school, it will happen. David may not even hear it, and he probably likely won’t understand the exact significance of it until he’s older. But he’ll know someone is being mean, and he’ll probably cry. And when I hear about it, I’ll cry. And I'll hope my older son doesn't get into a fight over it. 

You compared the r-word to the words moron, imbecile, etc., that were once used as terms to describe people with mental retardation and are now used commonly to describe something stupid or disliked – idiotic, moronic, etc. You seemed to assert that “retarded” is now the same as those other words. Again … you are wrong. We are not there yet. We just aren’t; the r-word is not the same – it still hurts, it still offends.

I am not the word police. I am not one of the folks who has suggested you should be fired because of what you said/tweeted. It is completely your right as a United States citizen and a (journalist?) to say whatever you want. But just because you can say it – you have the right, your mouth and lips can work together to form the word – that doesn’t mean you should. You know? I guess it is your “thing” to try to stir the pot and never apologize for anything you do or say. That too, is your right, and I guess viewers and book-buyers will be your final judges. But it doesn’t make you right. You are wrong.

I have wanted to write this letter since the tweet was publicized, and since your interview with Piers Morgan. I have hesitated because you really did come across as one of those Mean People, and I don’t trust you to do the right thing with this e-mail. I’m sorry, but I don’t. I’m afraid you will pull out some tiny part of the whole message and use it on the air to promote your own purposes, or that you will openly criticize it or how easily I am offended. And really, I’m a little afraid of you. Thank God Mr. Morgan’s people scheduled the interview with Tim Shriver and John Franklin Stephens, separately. I’m not sure whose idea that was, but I would be afraid to have you in the same room as Mr. Stephens, or with my son David. Does that tell you anything about how unreasonable you seem – that I am afraid to have my young son in the same room with you because I don’t trust you to interact appropriately with him? You might say you’d never call him a retard, but you were so angry I can’t believe you.

I’m pleased that Mr. Stephens extended the hand of friendship to you, and I’m glad that Mr. Shriver likewise discussed the possibility of meaningful dialogue with you. I’m not in a position to offer either of those measures, because I’m still too angry. I hope you will consider taking one of them up on the opportunity to expand your understanding of this particular issue.

Joanna Hudson