Marriage Advice, Somali Warlords, and I'll Have Some Ambivalence, Maybe

I’ve just started reading two different books – this usually doesn’t work out too well, as I typically don’t finish at least one of them, but the first is so dense that I need the other to balance it out:

1. God and Human Dignity, edited by R. Kendall Soulen and Linda Woodhead. This is one of the more scholarly books I have tried in quite awhile. There are 18 chapters written by various theologians and ethicists; right now I’m planning to read just two, “Human Dignity in the Absence of Agency” by Hans Reinders (about severe disability) and “Cruising Toward Bethlehem: Human Dignity and the New Eugenics” by Kendall Soulen, the editor (discusses prenatal testing).

Thus far I am two pages into the Introduction and have had to stop to look up two words already: elide (to leave out of consideration, OMIT, CURTAIL, ABRIDGE) and eschatological (a belief concerning death, the end of the world, or the ultimate destiny of mankind). False modesty aside, I have a huge vocabulary, so I’m thinking this is not a good sign for the rest of the book.

[Matt uses some form of “eschatology” or “eschatological” about once a week or so, and I have asked him about 100 times what it means but can never remember what he says, and eventually I got a little embarrassed about it so I stopped asking and started nodding and smiling. Perhaps now that I’ve looked it up and written it down myself it’ll stick.]

Kendall Soulen was Matt’s Systematic Theology professor at Wesley Seminary. When Matt was in that class (2 semesters) he would come home each day glowing with all the knowledge that had been imparted. Kendall Soulen this, Kendall Soulen that. On and on, until finally I had enough. My (8^th grade-ish) response: “I think you are in love with Kendall Soulen,” and “Why don’t you marry Kendall Soulen?” I will never forget the day I saw a Kendall Soulen book on the kitchen table, picked it up to look at the jacket, and realized Kendall Soulen is … a guy. I mean, Matt spoke about Kendall Soulen with such deference and affection that I just thought it was a (possibly really attractive) female. … So, this person’s name will never be mentioned in our home without me laughing. Matt’s leading one of Soulen’s study series at church right now, and I recently heard Matt refer to him as “Kendall.”  J

2. SEAL Team Six: Memoirs of an Elite Navy SEAL Sniper, by Howard E. Wasdin and Stephen Templin. This was apparently a best-seller so you may have already read it, but all I heard of it was when Wasdin was on the Daily Show. His appearance was fortuitously scheduled 2 or 3 days after Osama bin Laden was killed, and Wasdin was modest about his own accomplishments, self-effacing and overall intriguing, so I was hooked. I’m reading the preface; no elide or eschatology in sight thus far. And, there’s an extensive glossary for all the military acronyms, equipment and various personnel groups and positions.

I’ll go ahead and concede that one of these books is more likely than the other to mention underwater demolition and Somali warlords, but perhaps I should read past the introductions before I guess which one it is.

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Yesterday I had an hour or so of a lot of sadness, about my recent (4 months ago) pregnancy loss. It is getting really difficult for me to be around pregnant women, see pictures of them modeling maternity clothes, be truly happy for them.

On Monday, one of the blogs I follow had an ultrasound picture of the mom’s 13-week pregnancy (this is her 11^th pregnancy; one of her older children has Down syndrome). … there is a photo up on a bulletin board at our church, heralding the expected arrival of a baby daughter in a few months, for a former intern at the church. I pretty purposefully avoid looking at this, though it is a lovely photo of a young attractive couple, wearing pink shirts and surrounded by pink balloons, etc. There’s another couple who recently learned they are expecting their first. I just really don’t want to see them or think about them.

This happened for awhile after my miscarriage; I don’t know that it so much resolved as I just haven’t been as out and about lately and I haven’t run into the situation very much. Though, reference one of my recent posts about the infant/toddler section of Target being demoted from one of my favorite places in the world, to something I will walk way out of my way to avoid. I’m going on the assumption that this is totally normal and expected – I still kind of hate Mother’s Day, although my Mom died 16 years ago and now I have kids myself.

… I don’t know if I am coming into a season of increased grief/mourning, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that happens soon, because as the holiday season approaches, so does my theoretical due date of 12/24. Easy to remember, huh? I know this year will probably be the worst, and each year it’ll hurt a little less.

“Expecting” is such a great term for pregnancy – it implies happy waiting and watchfulness, also an element of the unknown. With both Simon and David I was pregnant at Christmas, and that’s a wonderful time because there’s an entire atmosphere of expectation and baby boys and whatnot (if you’re a religious person that is). I think I’m going to give myself permission to sort of hate the entire Advent/Christmas season this year – if it turns out to be not too bad then that’s great, but this way if I’m not too joyful at least I know why …

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Sort of on this topic, here is a particular memory from that awful time: the Sunday that Matt and I went to the ER at Mission Hospital in Asheville and had the ultrasound that showed two egg sacs, but that as much as 5 or 6 weeks before, they’d stopped developing. After we checked out (the ER doctor sent us off with “Have a good day,” and I think as soon as he said it he realized it was not what he should have said, but what are you going to do then?) we were waiting on the open parking deck for Matt’s folks to meet us – we’d given them both boys the day before, so we didn’t have to worry about them in addition to the uncertainty we were feeling. We watched the green and white MAMA helicopter land and take off, and were just looking out over the trees, not saying much. Then Matt pointed out that one of the buildings we were looking down on was the Planned Parenthood clinic on Biltmore Avenue.

… that was just really not what I needed at that exact moment, you know? I still consider myself to be “pro-choice,” partly because I don’t care to jump the fence to the anti-choice pro-life side and be associated with crazy people (I know, that’ s small percentage of the group, but this particular point in life was not really dominated by well-reasoned, balanced thinking). I still support Planned Parenthood as an important source of information and pregnancy prevention, as well as pregnancy termination. I recently read this quote from Ruth Bader Ginsburg:

“I said on the equality side of it, that it is essential to a woman’s equality with man that she be the decision-maker, that her choice be controlling. If you impose restraints, you are disadvantaging her because of her sex. The state controlling a woman would mean denying her full autonomy and full equality.”

Source: Senate Nomination Hearing, excerpts in NY Times , Jul 22, 1993

And I agree with that. I recently read an article on Slate.com, suggesting a shift in how we all think about the way the abortion debate has been framed. I spent about 15 minutes trying to find the exact article for a link, but Slate’s search engine is weird and frustrating. Anyway, the author discussed that since Roe v. Wade the conversations have been about when life begins, when a fetus becomes a person, etc., but that maybe it’s time to acknowledge that it is life in your uterus, and if that life is wanted then you are thrilled to see little hands waving on the ultrasound. But if the pregnancy is unwanted, then the way to think about is that it’s still life, but that the woman has the ultimate control and choice over her body as long as that life is inside her, depending on her.

… I will say, I have not become any more pro-choice since David was born, and here this entry comes full-circle to the Human Dignity discussion of prenatal testing and eugenics. I’m not prepared to tell any individual woman what she has to do with her body; I just hate that the argument (along with every other argument on Earth, I suppose) is over-simplified into a black-and-white choice when it’s so much more complicated.

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