Here’s what I have been thinking about this week: I used to have this (daydream? I guess might be the best word; I’m squeamish about using the word “fantasy” for anything other than, well, you know) about our family moving to India for a couple of years or so. I’m not sure what prompted these thoughts; I don’t remember if I started imagining it after I read something about India, or about moving your family overseas, or what. This is when we just had Simon, and I thought Matt could get some pastoring or missionary job, or I could be an assistant college professor. I imagined what it would be like – we would be in a larger city, where (I hope) lots of folks would speak English, to ease the transition. Matt and I would work, Simon would go to a school with other European/English-speaking types, and we would go on lots of trips on the weekends, all over India to learn more about it. Nice, huh?
Just as I am unsure what prompted all this imagining, I don’t recall anything particular this week, that reminded me of it. But it’s the first time I’ve thought about it in a long time, and the prospect of doing all those same things, with Simon and David, is somewhat terrifying. I’ve thought about traveling internationally with the boys, but with travel we would probably all stick together, all the time. I can’t imagine doing that anytime soon – with their current ages/development/behavior, just taking them to a basketball game in Charlotte would be a major undertaking; never mind flying to another country. But living somewhere else? Letting David out of my sight for more than 30 seconds, to go to school every day, in a country where we don’t speak the language, don’t know anyone, and are a thousand miles from “home?” Yes, “terrifying” is probably an accurate term. I would worry enough about Simon, that he would get mugged or be taken in by some scam, that he wouldn’t know what to do or who to go to for help, if he found himself in a bad situation. And Simon is all typically-developing and as smart as a whip – the thought of David being somehow left alone, so far away, is unbearable.
And yes, all these fears certainly apply to David right here at home, in the tiny mountain town we live in where we know more than half the population. And I’m sure a lot of it is their ages – right now it’s difficult to image Simon as a teenager, but I’m sure (well, I hope) by the time he gets to high school, I’ll be much more confident in his abilities to handle himself and reason through difficult situations. That’s definitely what I consider to be my main job as a parent – to prepare my kids to go out into the world on their own, and to be able to do laundry and manage money and most importantly, make decisions. My instinct is to protect my kids from any possible harm or distress, but I know that’s not the way it works – that they have to get out there and screw up and learn from their mistakes and that’s how you become a functioning adult, but … David gets some extra protectiveness, right?
And David’s only two years old, and right now he stays home with me all the time anyway, but right now I simply cannot imagine him being anywhere on his own, even for a little while, even in familiar surroundings. I know that too will come with time – he’s so curious and excited and really seems to love trying new things, so something tells me that (within whatever parameters there are/might be around his developmental disability) he will learn things about as quickly as it is possible.
So I Googled “international travel with kids, special needs” and found there is plenty of info out there. There is at least one travel agency (www.starbritetravel.com)that specializes in planning trips for kids with autism, Asperger’s, developmental disabilities, etc. For example, the website had links to two ski resorts that have adaptive equipment and special lessons, a museum with a “cool down” room in case your child is overwhelmed, and a museum in Baltimore that has a display called “Celebrating Who I Am,” with contributions from kids with disabilities, from all 50 states.
So maybe, like many things in “life with David,” it’s not too different after all, you just have to plan more and be prepared for problems to come up. I don’t want to seem as though I think David is holding us back from achieving any family dreams, or whatever. I mean really, were we going to move to India? No, this was just a passing fancy. As he and Simon get older, we’ll just have to see (ah, another frequently-uttered “life with David’-ism). Who knows, David may be the easiest traveler ever and it’s Simon who freaks out.
(this was originally one entry but it was so long I broke it into two parts; even I lost interest after awhile)
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