Preferences Shmeferences

(I may be getting ready to step on some toes. But this is my journal. Feel free to disagree, but get your own blog).

Matt’s latest issue of Sojourners features several articles discussing current efforts to “reclaim childbirth.” Not remotely surprised to learn these movements are mostly spearheaded by college-educated white women. It sounds like something we would do. ( The emphasis of the movement is to get back to the basics of viewing pregnancy and birth as a natural process, not an illness or an event to be managed. There was a lot of discussion of doulas and birth plans and whatnot. The more scientific parts of the articles discussed that despite the higher rate of interventions (epidurals, episiotomies, and c-sections) that the US is still behind other industrialized nations in infant and maternal mortality rates. The statistics are an interesting piece of info, and I would like to know more (like why exceeding the WHO’s recommendation of 15% c-section rate is a problem), but most of the articles focus on something I am altogether convinced is kind of silly – the mother’s birth experience. I’m sure that’s an odd thing to say, and obviously it’s important to some people, but I just really do not care about it, at all. From reading these articles, you would think that across the board, women are being tied down to beds to labor on their backs and then forced to have a c-section without their consent. Keep reading ...


In addition to my own experiences, and talking with other moms I know, I worked in a prenatal clinic in Charlotte, and followed up on the ‘birth stories’ of about 100 clients. The result of nearly all those conversations is: I’m really not sure who the heck these folks are talking about. Most mamas are just glad their babies are here safely, and the main complaint I’ve heard from those who’ve had c-sections is they wished it had been done sooner – they had labored and labored and were just ready to get it done, but it took their doctor awhile to get on board. So I’m sure there’s some evidence of vast unhappiness and dissatisfaction, but it is not borne (tee-hee) out by my own experience.

I loved the woman who taught the childbirth preparation classes at the clinic where I worked – she was very matter-of-fact and I remember her once shrugging and saying to me, “about half of them [clients] will have epidurals and about half won’t; I just want them to know what to expect.” No judgment, just information. And our own instructor at Georgetown, when we asked if we should have a written birth plan (according to the pregnancy magazines we thought it was, like, a requirement), smiled and said something to the effect of, we can write down what we want, and they would honor our wishes as much as they could, but in the end the doctor would do what he/she feels is best for the baby. Perhaps some folks would’ve had difficulty with that, but hey, not having to fill out any more forms was a relief for me. She also pointed out that if even if we were successful in birthing intervention-free, they were not going to announce our names over the loudspeaker, and we wouldn’t get a certificate or anything. I loved that.

When Simon was delivered, I chose to have a C-section that possibly was not 100% necessary. It’s a long story but the section was (partially) my choice, the doctors and nurses were competent and helpful, and Simon arrived safely. The fact that I had a c-section did not affect my bonding with him or my ability to breastfeed. I had already had two major abdominal surgeries in high school, following a car accident, so I just sort of viewed this as another operation, like the others but with a much cooler ending. I am not remotely bitter about it, and I don’t believe I missed out on anything – hey, there’s still the 9 months of pregnancy, the year of breastfeeding, and oh yeah, his whole life left to enjoy. One of the articles (the one I liked the most) discussed the birth as a highly spiritual/religious event. I agreed with most of what the author said, right up until the end, when she said that a natural birth is a chance to “let go and trust God” as a beginning to your parenting journey. I look at it sort of opposite-ly – whew, you’ve got hopefully 18 years of parenting ahead of you, at least, and I hate to think you’re this bent out of shape about details before the kid even gets here. I think of birth as being the beginning of letting go of your own agenda and doing what’s best for the kiddo.

Speaking of perspective, thinking about David is the main reason this stuff seems so silly. Whoever is disappointed by their birth experience, can take their birth balls and their doulas and their personal fulfillment and shove it. My son almost died and you are bitching because subsection 36[c] of the birth plan wasn’t followed to the letter? Give.me.a.break. One last thought: I might suggest that if you are going to do the natural childbirth thing, that you do it 100%, for the sake of the rest of us. When I was being monitored in Mission before David was born, a lady down the hall moaned very loudly for about an hour, and then the hollering started. When a nurse came in to check on me, I asked if the other person was okay, and she said (tight-lipped I might add, it killed me) that she was doing a natural childbirth. Think what you want about the nurse’s opinion and whatever medical model agenda she might have. All I know is, I was already scared to death about David, my nerves were completely shot, and the last thing I needed was to overhear someone else’s (voluntary) suffering. I’m thinking, lady, either suck it up and bite down on a washcloth or something, or go do this natural childbirth thing in a cave, or whatever, just BE QUIET. The point of all the articles was that, barring an emergency, the mom’s wishes should be honored. I get that. At that moment, I was an emergency and my wish was for her to shut up.